Hiaasen: Nothing says ‘freedom’ like a new bicep tattoo

Hiaasen: Nothing says ‘freedom’ like a new bicep tattoo

Hide caption Carl Hiaasen (An absolutely true news item: Men carrying shotguns and assault rifles showed up to defend an East Texas tattoo parlor when it reopened in defiance of the state’s COVID-19 restrictions.) Well done, armed patriots! This is exactly what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they wrote the Second Amendment — defending fundamental American freedoms from Big Government. You, my brothers, are the true unsung heroes of this so-called pandemic. While the media ramble on adoringly about the so-called heroism of front-line doctors, nurses, police officers and paramedics, you bold warriors put your lives on the line to preserve our inalienable right to ink our biceps with a topless succubus riding a flame-breathing Harley. But, honestly, the optics of the event could have been better. I’ve got a few notes — minor suggestions, really — so that we’ll be taken more seriously next time. For starters, I was thinking we probably didn’t need the walkie-talkies. There were only five of us, after all. And, as you might have noticed, I ended up muting my own walkie-talkie because I’d made the mistake of giving one to my kids, who kept making farting noises. I also believe there would be benefits in both style and comfort if our camouflage ammo vests were professionally fitted. I myself had major chafing issues — apparently I’ve put on a few pounds since I bought the thing back in ’93 at that Desert Storm surplus auction. Although we successfully attracted some […]

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